I have one vague childhood wedding memory of dressing a Barbie up in a white dress and parading her around the living room carpet while dad held Ken at the “alter” and “dum dum dudummmm”-ed. It was a short-lived ceremony, because if I remember correctly, Mel rolled her Barbies up in their pink convertible and very quickly our traditional ceremony turned into a Power Rangers-esque battle.
Yes, Barbies wedding crash.
So needless to say, I’m not one of those girls that’s been conjouring up her “dream wedding” since exiting the womb – we used pillow cases and bed sheets in many aspects of dress-up, but never as a veil or train. Mostly they were used as capes. Or parachutes. (Surprisingly, broken bones were had by none.)
“Do you want a cathedral train or a chapel train?” Oh, I’m not getting married in a church…
“What kind of flowers do you want?” Umm, the big leafy ones? Yellow??
“Are you going to have a band or a dj?” Can’t I just make a kick ass playlist on my ipod?
“Ivory or white dress?” Whichever won’t stamp a big scarlet letter on my forehead.
“Will you get married in your hometown or his?” (mentally calculating the cost to fly wedding party to Vegas…)
There are a few points that I am sure on, and very adamant about:
1. Buttercream, not fondant. Cake is supposed to taste good. I LIKE CAKE. And so does everybody else I know. Because my friends like to eat
2. No church, and no venue that has hosted a HS prom in the past 10 years
3. No shiny satin (for me or the maids)
4. No, and I mean 100% not-even-within-a-50-mile-radius, NO “chicken dance”, “the train”, “YMCA”, or any song that comes with a John Travolta dance
5. No pouffy-ness (see below)
“This shit? No. I’m itchy. No more of this.”
I always made fun of girls that go into detail about their ideal wedding before getting engaged (let alone having a potential groom-to-be in the picture) but it turns out they’re not as dumb as I originally thought.
Joke’s on me I guess.
Your anti-tulle and fondant favorite,