23 Years is PLENTY of Time to Plan a Wedding…

I have one vague childhood wedding memory of dressing a Barbie up in a white dress and parading her around the living room carpet while dad held Ken at the “alter” and “dum dum dudummmm”-ed. It was a short-lived ceremony, because if I remember correctly, Mel rolled her Barbies up in their pink convertible and very quickly our traditional ceremony turned into a Power Rangers-esque battle.

Yes, Barbies wedding crash.

So needless to say, I’m not one of those girls that’s been conjouring up her “dream wedding” since exiting the womb – we used pillow cases and bed sheets in many aspects of dress-up, but never as a veil or train. Mostly they were used as capes. Or parachutes. (Surprisingly, broken bones were had by none.)
As odd or as common as it is to have a childhood resembling mine, I learned one thing real fast once the wedding planning adventure began:

Having a 20 year head start sure would make this a hell of a lot easier.

Inevitably the moment after the ring is on your finger the “when’s the date?” questions come pouring in, that’s to be expected. What I wasn’t ready for?

“Do you want a cathedral train or a chapel train?” Oh, I’m not getting married in a church…
“What kind of flowers do you want?” Umm, the big leafy ones? Yellow??
“Are you going to have a band or a dj?” Can’t I just make a kick ass playlist on my ipod?
“Ivory or white dress?” Whichever won’t stamp a big scarlet letter on my forehead.
“Will you get married in your hometown or his?” (mentally calculating the cost to fly wedding party to Vegas…)

There are a few points that I am sure on, and very adamant about:

1. Buttercream, not fondant. Cake is supposed to taste good. I LIKE CAKE. And so does everybody else I know. Because my friends like to eat
2. No church, and no venue that has hosted a HS prom in the past 10 years
3. No shiny satin (for me or the maids)
4. No, and I mean 100% not-even-within-a-50-mile-radius, NO “chicken dance”, “the train”, “YMCA”, or any song that comes with a John Travolta dance
5. No pouffy-ness (see below)

“This shit? No. I’m itchy. No more of this.”

I always made fun of girls that go into detail about their ideal wedding before getting engaged (let alone having a potential groom-to-be in the picture) but it turns out they’re not as dumb as I originally thought.

Joke’s on me I guess.

Your anti-tulle and fondant favorite,

Sarah Soon-To-Be


3 thoughts on “23 Years is PLENTY of Time to Plan a Wedding…

  1. Pingback: BREAKING NEWS : BREAKING NEWS : BREAKING NEWS « Once Upon a (L)ime

  2. Just coming across this post linked from a more recent post. I’m with you on 1, 2b, 3, and 4! haha. We did not do the bouquet or garter toss either. At one of my friend’s wedding, there was blood shed at the bouquet toss…and it got on the bride’s dress. I wasn’t going there.



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