Some of the names and places in this post have been changed to protect the innocent – and by innocent, I mean gaudy and tasteless, and totally ill-suited to host my wedding.
Since the moment we began planning our wedding, there was no question that we wanted a non-traditional, informal affair. We want a party, not a reception.
To successfully pull this off I set a couple rules: No hotels, No “______ hall”s, and nothing w “banquet” in the name. I like modern and clean, so patterned carpet or wallpaper = ick, hardwood floors and neutral walls = yayyy! I want bright and sunny, with high ceilings and lots of natural light.
Umm, I’m not being too picky, am I?
I want an on-site ceremony, on an outdoor patio attached to the reception area. I want easy accessibility and tranquility, without losing the metropolitan feel of the hustle and bustle city life. I want EVERYONE to leave our wedding wishing THEY had gotten married there.
Reminder, this is NE Ohio. Where three tall buildings and this is what we consider this “the city”:
I have visited ONE venue prior to this weekend. I loved it. It was everything I was looking for. Seriously? It matched my color scheme and everything.
Problem? Behind those curtained walls: A food court. Like, Sbarro and Golden Hunan food court. This place is a “mall” during business hours (having a mall open 8-5 weekdays and closed sat sun doesn’t make sense to me either.) Even worse than being surrounded by fastfood paraphernalia?? The bathroom. Pepto bismol pink, missing floor tiles, doors that don’t shut let alone lock, no purse hooks, exposed plumbing, and general nastiness. I’ve been in single-pump gas station bathrooms that I’d rather send my spiffied-up guests to “freshen up” rather than this place. TOTAL DEALBREAKER.
So mom and I ventured out this past weekend in hopes that Medina might have a better grasp on general hygiene awareness than downtown Cleveland apparently does.
First visit was a golf club that boasts the #2 public course in the country. We aren’t big golfers, but I can appreciate that. I know it will get grandma’s vote. This place has everything we’re looking for, plus a few things I didn’t really know we needed, but am certain now that we do. I mean how could I actually get ready in a bridal suite that does not have an attendee to automatically refresh our beverage supply and serve us lunch? Comp’d groom golf the morning of? How could we possibly fathom getting married without it?
It is rather traditional, and I hate to think I’m so vain that I’d put up the stop sign for the ugly carpet, but… well maybe I would. We’ll see, there might be something better out there.
Place #2 was in a place called Chippewa Lake, OH. As a small town NE-Ohioan, I can appreciate and relate to tiny, run down, no stop light, mom and pop diner types of places (some might call it “quaint”). This place though? Once we actually found it, we didn’t even go in. There was no hope. Nary a gas station nor overnight accommodation was to be found for miles and miles and miles. Reminded me of this:
(M Night Shyamalan’s “The Village”)
The final place was an old rural-ish country club that smelled like for the last 70 nobody had done anything but chain smoke inside of it. Ok, it wasn’t that bad, but… no. Just no. Getting married under a gazebo by the pool? Could be cute. Put some floating votives and luminaries around and hang some lanterns… I can see it. The mushroom kiddie waterfall though? Would totally NOT give off the ambiance I’m going for…
So, as time ticks away and my cross-country move looms ever closer, the options are narrowing themselves. I have a few more on my list to check out – including a couple more downtown and a few in the Akron/Canton area. Stay tuned.
In other news, I am finally relinquishing my claim as having the most astute immune system in the history of mankind. I haven’t yet conceded to calling myself “sick”, but it’s been five days and this tickly throat/runny nose/dry cough/can’t talk WILL NOT GO AWAY. And yes, I took some medicine. Sort of. This morning. Ok it was Aleve and it was really for my knees. Gotta help the not-cold a little though, no?
Your snot-nosed queen (literally),