I Am The Secret Keeper

I was surprised at the reaction I got yesterday when I wrote that the blog is a secret from B (my fiance).  Y’all aren’t hiding any dirty laundry over there?  No secret vices?  Nobody else keeps a bag of mini marshmallows in their car for commute snacking?  Don’t lie to me.

My very first post was written from our condo in Westlake, OH – curled up under a blanket combatting the brutal January winter while B was at the gym.  We’d gotten engaged a few weeks prior and I decided I wanted to chronicle every step of our engagement – the highs, the lows; the big purchases, and the nit-picking details.  Post some inspiration boards (if I learned how to make one), tell tales of the ‘Little Bridal Shop of Horrors’, and brag about L & Sh’s blocking & tackling skills at bridal shows.

I shared the link with my family & a few close friends.  I forbade them from mentioning it to B – I wanted a safe place to share all of my thoughts about the wedding and our engagement.  Not that I had anything to hide from him, but because I wanted to keep some elements of surprise for the big day.  I was already concocting the post in my head about the day I would find The Dress, and fully intended to share photos on the blog.  Obviously that wasn’t something I could have B stumbling upon.

The wedding date was set for September 18, 2010, and I planned to have Once Upon a Lime printed & bound for B as a wedding gift.  The thought of all our guests holding onto this secret for 9 months and finally seeing it unveiled on our big day gave me chills.  Plus, it’d make great reading material for the plane on our way to the honeymoon.

If you go back to the post from Jan 21st you’ll see the wheels coming off the wagon.  That was the day it was announced I’d be moving to California.  Or as I sometimes put it, ‘uprooting our entire lives, postponing the wedding, and taking the single most stressful leap two almost-weds can take’

By the time I moved in April, I was writing a lot about topics other than the wedding.  While I was out here alone for six weeks, lost in a new city with no friends, I found myself writing more often.  It was a really rough transition and I almost caved a few times – I thought that if B could read what I was writing it would almost be as if he were here experiencing it all with me.

(backstory : B had to finish his clinical and graduate before coming out.  He joined me out here mid-May)

We made it through those tough couple months, and now I’m posed with a new problem : when to find the time to write without stirring suspicion (or seriously detrimenting my productivity at work)?  I’d write and write and write to my heart’s content, if I had the time and/or didn’t worry about how long it will take B to catch up once he finally finds out.

And now I have this whole slew of strangers reading about all of these things I’m keeping a “secret” from my fiance.  It sounds really stupid, when I spell it out like that.  I feel like I’m having an affair or am in a spy movie or something.

But the truth is, no matter how hard it is to want to say “babe!  look at what I wrote today, aren’t I funny?”  or  “OMG somebody from Australia read my blog today”  or  “I’m going into the other room to overshare on the internet to a bunch of strangers I pretend to know” – I started this little game, and I’m determined to finish it.  July 3rd, 2011, Once Upon a Lime will finally be unveiled.  Hopefully he doesn’t mind having his face plastered all over the web.

We might have to extend the honeymoon to give him time to read through these extra 10 months I wasn’t originally planning to dictate.  (Shucks).  Or maybe I’ll release it as a trilogy.  Can’t you see it?

Sarah Soon-To-Be

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3 thoughts on “I Am The Secret Keeper

  1. Pingback: OUa(L)’s Out of the Closet (A GIVEAWAY!) « Once Upon a (L)ime

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