Episode #135,487 of Sarah’s Extreme Social Awkwardness (bridal shower)

I’m at Cleveland airport getting ready to flly back “home” to sunny SoCal.  I need to reiterate the “sunny” part since it was rainy and cold for at least 96% of my time in Ohio.  Is it weird I still kind of miss it?  Falling asleep to thunderstorms and the thrill of whether or not this plane’s gonna get out before this tornado warning puts a damper on our plans? 

Springtime in the midwest is a treat :)

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The day after our legendary Dive Bar Ugly Bus Tour, I drug L and my mom two hours south to Central Ohio for a bridal shower hosted by B’s mom.  Actually, mom drug L & I, since we were pretty worthless and hungover.

At least L packed us this sweet Hangover Kit :

TRUE STORY : I was still drunk when I woke up.  Apparently 4.5 hours of sleep and 60 oz of water before bed isn’t enough to battle the hangover demons.  We woke early and I boldly declared that I felt “like a million bucks” and laughed and joked with our slumber party guests for a few hours over coffee.  The feelings of “I’M TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT” didn’t hit until 30 minutes into the drive to the shower.

ANOTHER TRUE STORY : L did not wake up drunk.  She woke up hungover, like normal people.  Greasy fast food cheeseburger is her fail-safe cure and I seriously considered aborting five years of vegetarianism for it’s healing benefits.

But, since we’re true professionals, we put on our happy faces, un-smudged our mascara, hit the sangria upon arrival, and had a good time.

(UPDATE : Currently airborne between CLE & Houston)

After everyone arrived and got caught up, we played a little game.  Mrs. B called it “Sarah’s Favorite Things” and everybody had to guess how much each item cost.  I was a little embarrassed when my transparently poor diet and addiction to sugar, booze, and weird running fuel merited questions like, “Does she eat any REAL food?!” and “what the heck is that?!” …

But did she hit the nail on the head, or no?  Touche, Mom B, touche…

Then it was time for cake.  I’m drooling remembering it.

B’s grandma is the world’s best baker.  Really, she is.  You haven’t lived until you’ve had grandma’s cake.  She’s making the cake & petit fours (for anniversary freezing, and mass consumption at reception, respectively) and made this incredible cake for the shower.  Are you ready for it?  You’re going to crap yourselves.

Edible OUaL!!!   How freaking cute??  I had no idea.  AND it was carrot – which means 1) it’s automatically my favorite and 2) it counts as a serving of vegetables for the day.  BOOM.  Cake Win.

After shoveling a few delicious forkfuls into my cake-hole, it was gift time.

Another Random Jaunt About How Socially Awkward and Messed Up in the Head I Am :

(preface : this is 100% about my feelings on gifting in general, not at all about the ACTUAL gifts/shower/people from this weekend)

Let me tell you how weird public gift time is for me.  I get severe anxiety over it – whether I’m the gifter, the giftee, or simply watching somebody else open something from a stranger.  There’s all this build up and excitement, and… what if they don’t love it?  What if they already have it?  What if it’s two sizes too small and they suddenly become anorexic because they think the gifter thinks they’re fat?

What about the things from the registry?  Do you still feign some surprise?  Or is it DUH you know you’re getting it, so just stoicly thank the gifter for paying for something you didn’t really want to buy yourself?

And I don’t care how much you either genuinely love the gift or how good of an actor you are, there always seems to be at least a slight amount of over-exaggeration.

“I LOVE it!  It’s EXACTLY what we were hoping for!  How did we ever live without a tissue box cover?!  I just can’t wait to use it!  Shall I take it out now?”

(Editor’s note : I didn’t actually receive a tissue box cover.)

The generosity of the gifters is obviously NOT lost on me – everyone could have shown up and called their mere presence gift enough, and I would have been more than happy.  The presents just don’t matter in the grand scheme, and the big hubbub of unwrapping them really just makes me uncomfortable.

These are the worldly issues keeping me up at night.  Has anybody called me a shrink yet?

(I’m typing this and just PRAYING somebody out there is nodding their head in agreement while reading – or else I’m just an ungracious, horrible, complete asshole jerkoff on an airplane.)

I did survive gift time – I may have an ulcer and I did break a few sweats, but I made it.  AND Mom B brought a spare suitcase for me to take all the gifts back in!  Genius.

Perfect fit!

All social-ineptitude aside, everything was really great.  I’m so grateful for this wonderful family I managed to snag and marry into, and all of the people who took time out of their Saturday afternoon to hang out with my awkward (& hungover) self.

Even though I’m most certain a few of them only came because they were told there’d be Grandma cake…

(UPDATE : currently at home, the morning after my flight, since Houston’s wifi was PMS’ing last night and it was 2am EST when I finally got home , where I decided tending to my neglected fiance and pups was more important than posting.)

Sarah Soon-To-Be

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34 thoughts on “Episode #135,487 of Sarah’s Extreme Social Awkwardness (bridal shower)

  1. You are in good company because I have public gift anxiety too! I never know what to say or how to act. It’s all just too much! Must be an OH thing :)

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  2. Gift anxiety is real. Or how about when everyone stares at you and sings “Happy Birthday”? That’s the worst. Where did you get that darling white blazer?

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  3. That was one of my most feared parts of all the wedding festivities – the showers & having everyone stare at you while you open their gifts. So I had a “display shower” – which just means bring your gifts for me unwrapped and leave them on the pretty table that my bridesmaids decorated so you don’t have to stare at me bored out of your mind for hours while I open all these gifts. My mom made sure there was plenty of wine at the shower so all in all I think my friends were pretty grateful for that!

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  4. Looks like you had a great time!!! Love the bachelorette party and the cake. So awesome :)

    I’m really awkward when it comes to gifts too – although, I can get downright mean when it’s something I didn’t really want/ask for (so weird, I have no idea why I am like that). It’s just my instant response I guess. My real friends and family know that I am sincere though – no matter how fake I sound!

    (Oh, and I found baby showers are SO MUCH worse than bridal/wedding showers. At least with wedding showers people can be jealous about the cool stuff you are getting. I know people are bored out of their minds when I am super excited about stuff my tiny baby alien is going to wear/use.)

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  5. my best friends and boyfriend have actually starting giving me gifts (for a birthday or holiday) and then leaving because they know i’ll be more comfortable that way.

    it doesnt matter how much i actually love something- i either look and/or sound like im insulted. then i get the gifters (who i’ve profusely and genuinely thanked) apologize for whatever it was that i opened. “no! you did great! i just suck at life.”

    im not engaged, and im already freaking out at the prospect of having to open gifts at a bridal shower.

    maybe it IS an OH thing.

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  6. Oh man I know exactly how you feel, a couple of years ago, we had a big wine/beer drinking night and then the next day my girlfriend and I were going to a bridal expo, she was the bride and I was the maid of honor and needless to say, we drank way too much and I was sooo hungover the whole day at the bridal expo! lol The saying…”when we will realize we are too old to drink that way?” hung over me that whole day! lol

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  7. Girl, you make me giggle! Thanks for the comment :) I am so far behind on my postings AND reading. Catching up is a beast!
    Love the cake and so happy you’re having such a blast with the prep…so uber jealous! Love every minute…I wish I could press rewind.

    Oh-I did a little happy dance when I saw the mini-mallows! Yay!

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  8. I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY!! I think opening presents is so awkward and would imagine it’d be more awkward opening presents you registered for.

    As I’ve gotten older I’ve developed a severe anxiety anytime I know I’ll be the center of attention. I desperately want to elope instead of having a real wedding but know it won’t fly with my family.

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  9. First of all – I didn’t know you were vegetarian. You just went up about 13408 cool points in my book because I love anyone who is vegetarian :)

    Second, Justin’s nut butter is the best tasting food ever. Well okay, maybe not ever but lets just say if I buy a 16 oz jar of Chocolate Almond Butter it’s usually gone in about a day and a half. It’s a very very good thing that I run as much as I do.

    And I am so with you on that gift anxiety thing. Don’t get me wrong, I love getting gifts but the exchanging part is always so awkward. So is just about everything I do though so I guess it’s to be expected that I would make gift giving and receiving the same way.

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  10. I am THE SAME WAY. I seriously hate accepting gifts unless they’re from my parents or boyfriend.. and even then I’m awkward. It’s painful, really. I LOVE your “favorite things” baaha so funny and your little white blazer is HOT.
    -jamie

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  11. One: I love your white blazer

    Two: opening gifts in front of the gifter is totally worthy of anxiety and anyone who dares to pretend that it is not is the one in need of a shrink! Haha!

    Three: my family has a love affair with my Grandma’s cakes too, affectionately referred to as Cammy cake. It draws massive crowds at family functions.

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  12. Um. You are so right about gift awkwardness.

    My bridal shower was a few weeks ago. And I really had a hard time with the gifts because I know what everything is (I PICKED IT ALL OUT MYSELF) and they know that I know what everything is. My future MIL invited a bunch of her friends who I don’t know too well. And I totally blanked on one of their names when I opened the card. So that person probably hates me now too. Whatever. It’s a scary thing and I am SO happy it’s over!

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  13. Surprise gifts are awesome. Arranged gift giving is awful. The gifts I’ve received that are the best remembered have always been little things at times I didn’t expect anything. Whether it’s a birthday present from a person I didn’t expect, or a no-occasion-surprise from my wife, I’d rather be delighted than merely satisfied.

    P.S. I am so not giving you the lovely tissue box cover I had ordered. WTF you hurt my feelings.

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  14. Ugh I seriouslydread the day I have a wedding shower. I am seriously planning on having my significant other do the gift thing and I’ll go hang out at the bar and catch a sporting event. Super awkward!

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  15. I hated that my bridal shower involved me sitting there opening presents for 2 hours. I got this nervous feeling in my stomach while driving to my shower and really didn’t want to go, and felt like I was going to barf. And because I was so nervous I felt like I could barf, I didn’t enjoy the delicious food that my bridesmaids bought for the shower. I of course appreciate the gifts, it’s just that sitting there opening gifts and being photographed is not my idea of a great time.

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  16. Don’t worry…if you are an asshole, then you are not a lone asshole. I feel the same way about gifts. The committee in my head just doesn’t know how to handle the whole affair!
    Sounds like you have terrific friends and family!

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