OUaL Lessons : How To NOT Get Hit On/Make Friends

I fixed my internet!  Well actually, I sent a pathetic/beggy email to the Helpdesk at work and they told me how to fix it.  But regardless, thanks to them and the always classy Excalibur’s (don’t judge) complimentaaaaary internet, I’M BACK!

Just in time to leave tomorrow.

But for now, a quick update.  And before that, a few disclaimers :

So take that for what it’s worth.  I’ve turned on spell check but I make no other promises on the credibility of this post.

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Friday we went to the OC Fair for fried food…

baby-leg zucchini spears

… & the Blake Shelton concert.  Because I like doing things that make me feel like I’m still in Corntown sometimes.

Surprisingly, the girls in floral rompers & Charlotte Russe “cowboy boots”, dudes in skinny jeans, and the parking lot littered with benzos and lambos didn’t put off QUITE the same vibe as the county fairs in Ohio.

At one point Blake said, “Y’all are a bunch of rednecks!” and I seriously rolled around in the grass laughing my ass off.  Really??? If anything can get FURTHER from redneck than Orange County, I’d love to hear about it.

I’m gonna suggest a re-write of your concert spiel for all future SoCal shows, dude.

Regardless, it was a GREAT show and I enjoyed myself immensely.  And I made sure to sing his old stuff extra loud so all the pretend-fans would know I’m better than them.

Ahem.

Moving on…

That pretty much brings us to the present – me sitting in my room after finally surrendering to the Vegas demons.  I held strong for two nights – which is a feat for me, Vegas or not – behaving myself with boring healthy food, boring gym time, and boring reading.

With a nice shove (read, cyber beer-pressure) from a few people – not naming any names… ahem, Monica Lea Katelyn Dynamites Britt – I got my butt down to the bar for a few drinks and watched the Indians kick some Red Sox ass.

I think now is a good time to share with you my feelings on doing things alone.

I really like being alone.  I am terrific company to myself.  Plus, I find it absolutely exhausting being around other people for extended periods of time – Drumming up conversation, making sure you elicit proper emotions/reactions, focusing on somebody else’s thoughts rather than just your own…  I’m getting tired just thinking about it.

(A quick scan of my myers briggs ISTJ results explains this…)

 A lot of people might feel kind of loserish sitting at a bar solo.  Or maybe they’d feel like an alocholic, I don’t know.  They also might be a little nervous to fight off pestery creeps all night, since a lone target is easier for sloppy dudes to prey on than a whole herd of females.  I watch Animal Planet, I get it.

Luckily (!),  I have a solution to all these potential “issues.”  This comes completely natural to me, but I believe with diligent practice you too can implement a successful defense mechanism against unwarranted company on your self-dates.

This tactic has a near-perfect success rate.  I have been hit on by strangers twice in my whole life, and never while alone.  Bars in college, in line at the coffee shop, house parties… you name it, I’ve effectively dodged pick up attempts at all of them.  Work functions don’t count, since I’m forced to be somewhat friendly and pleasant there.  (that wasn’t in the job description when I applied, btw)

I’m a decent-looking human being, and people find it had to believe that I never get hit on or struck up for conversation.

… And then I show them my “Unapproachable Bitch” face (which is essentially my neutral, relaxed face, as shown above), and they understand.  Close friends will say,

‘Oohhh… yeah you do look like that a lot…’

So if you’re going somewhere alone and want it to remain that way, just keep a miserable-looking SarahOUaL-scowl on your face and enjoy your interuption-free date with yourself!  Good times, courtesy of yours truly.

And if you can’t manage to pull it off, congratulations, you have a more promising social life ahead of you than I.

Sarah OUaL

ps if you’re itching for some OUaL Wedding-ness… head over to Full Bloom Photography for a peak at our gallery :)  I should have all the photos early next week so look for lots of updating on the Wedding Page!