Brain Surgery & I Probably Need Some

This was our first weekend “officially”  (make the bunny ears hand gesture)  at the new place.  I say that because last weekend B was here, but I was in Vegas for work being lame, and things don’t “offically” count if I’m not part of them

Isn’t that how marriage works?

So there was lots of cleaning, finding homes for crap, wondering what tha hack to do about those stupid ass shelves, and making 100 trips to Lowes/Target/Ikea… all to turn this nonsense into something homey&liveable :

NBbefore

NBbefore2

All that nasty gold trim and cold tile floors for this :

NBbefore3

(That’s as close as you can get to beachfront without actually being beachfront or a pretentious snob-ass with homes in 10 different time zones, btw.)

I kicked off my weekend with a mid-day 6 miler right after work Friday.  Parked at home, and headed straight out to the beach path. 

Afterwards, I stopped at my car for my things, walked upstairs, lifted the mat where we’ve been hiding the key (bc we still haven’t made copies, 1.5 weeks later) and… NO KEY.

I’m sweaty, thirsty, and have been dreaming up lunch for the last 5.99 miles.  Picked up the mat a few more times to see if maybe it’d magically appear on the third/fourth/tenth try.

No dice(key).

So I stood there, like a brain-dead idiot, and text B even though he doesn’t check his phone at work.  (Something about patient-responsibility and spinal cord/brain hemorrhage/intensive care whatever whatever…)

Then I got a brilliant idea – the screen door on the deck is open!  So I went around back, conjoured up my climbing-aficionado skills, and began my assault.

 

Stuck between the fence & the ledge, calculating whether the trash cans would break my fall or break my leg if I went down, our neighbors  (that I’ve yet to meet)  pulled up and stopped right in front of me, staring out the car window.  For sure they thought I was some felon/burglar/arsonist.  Or homeless.  I looked (and smelled) homeless.

I hopped down, got in my car hoping they’d realize that meant I lived there, and sped off before they could call the cops.

So I drove to the hospital where B works, because I didn’t feel like mindlessly killing three hours until he’d be home.  I was HUNGRY, dangit!  I marched up to the reception desk, in all my sweaty/stinky/6mile glory, and told the front desk my business.

key2

(They told me to take my stank-ass to the back and find him myself.)

I get there, knock, and tell the man who answers :

‘Hi, I’m Brian’s wife – he has the house key, I’m locked out.’

Naturally it’s his supervisor, whom I’ve never met before, and he looks incredibly taken aback/entertained.

key1

Through his smirk he says it’s nice to finally meet me – sweaty, stinky me makes GREAT 1st impressions – and he shows me B’s area so I can dig through his stuff while he’s up on the Intensive Care floor taking care of dying people.

No key.

At this point, I’m certain somebody saw us putting it (so ingeniously) under the mat all week and is either currently robbing us, or waiting for me to come back to kidnap me

I get out my phone, because last resort is to call our flaky new landlord and beg for a replacement…

Supervisor : ‘I can page him if you like…’

I said yes because WHATEVER to those sick people, I’M LOCKED OUT!!!

Just then B responds to my text (having no idea I was in the building, a few floors below him) :

B : ‘The door’s unlocked – the key is still on your car keys from the grocery store last night.’

What I would have given to see my face.  Somewhere between stupid amusement and shameful ditziness.  I really didn’t check the door?  I really didn’t notice an extra key on my ring?

So that was fun.

B called a while later to make sure I hadn’t choked on my own saliva or gotten lost walking the dogs, and told me he was with a fresh-from-brain-surgery patient who had some crazy contraption hooked to their head and a giant chunk of skull missing, and that his phone vibrating incessantly in his pocket from my texts/pages was not really condusive to  a great work environment.

I told him he shoulda skipped the doctorate degree & gotten a desk job like the rest of us if he wanted to complain.

The end.

Sarah OUaL

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32 thoughts on “Brain Surgery & I Probably Need Some

  1. This post is awesome and totally made me laugh because I am having a super shitty day (you see that I am swearing, that’s bad). FIrst, I love that you are umm black in your reenactment or maybe you got a realy dark tan now that you practically live on the beach!
    Your new place looks super cute. Deck looks huge in the picture, looks great for entertaining so can I just come to San Diego now and we can hang out? ok cool.

    Like

  2. Here’s a long funny (I think so) story about breaking in…

    When I ran the Indy 500 Festival Mini-Marathon in May my brother also performed. He was able to leave when I was about half done with my half (not sure why I think this is funny?) so he decided his hung over ass couldn’t deal with getting up that early and decided he needed to go back to my house 70 miles away…to sleep!

    I am still running and he realizes he doesn’t have a key to my house so he texts me. Seriously?

    I tell him to break into my side window because I think it’s unlocked and he just needs to pop the screen. So while I am running a half marathon 70 miles away my hung over brother is breaking into my house so he can sleep!!!

    What a jerk! He’s lucky I still let him kick it!!!
    Sorry that was long!

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  3. bahahahaha oh man I’ve completely done that before… I always ALWAYS lose my keys. Typically my car keys… luckily I have a garage door code to get me in the apartment. I think all of us blondes should invest in those Key Finders (like Jennifer Anniston gets on Along Came Polly) so we can just click the finder button whenever we lose them…

    Also, luckily you’re even cute sweaty.

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  4. Umm yeah this is hilarious. Good job! I don’t know what I would do if I got locked out because I usually don’t take my keys or my cell phone when I run. :-/ Haha glad you got in?

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  5. OMG! That is super hilarious! I will only way that because I locked myself out of my house last week and I felt like a total moron! lol Needless to say I got copies of my house key made that same day!

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  6. Love the new place!

    That sounds like something I would do-especially if I was hungry! My bf gets annoyed with me because I lose my phone daily, freak out like my life is over for 10 minutes, and then I find it at the bottom of my purse or wherever I was sitting last.

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  7. Ohhhh my god. I just peed myself (in my cubicle) thanks to you! AHAHAHA!!! this story could not have been ANY better and the reinactment photos were the best.

    To make you feel better: Not once, but TWICE, I have left my car keys in my car door and gone into the gym (which happens to be in a mall). When I go to my car all sweaty from my workout I notice I have no keys. So i freak out. Then i get myself together and go back to the gym and look around the whole place. NO KEYS. so i ask the front desk people. NO KEYS. So I go back to my jeep, unzip it from the outside and crawl through the plastic window like a thief and look everywhere. P.S. I don’t have a SPARE so I am really freakin’. Then I notice a tiny slip of paper on my windshield letting me know I left my key in the door and someone brought it to the security center in the mall.

    ta-da. This has happened twice. no bueno.

    feel better?

    Like

  8. And one more thing: So where is this awesome new place of yours!? Where in OC? the story was so funny i forgot the fact that you have a sweet new abode that i need to be invited to! :) congrats on that piece of awesomeness!

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  9. TOO FUNNY! totally sounds like something I would do.

    As for those shelves w/ the drawers.. 2 words SHOE SHELF [or underwear shelf] or… HAIR AND SOCK SHELF… I don’t know.. either way the house looks awesome! I can’t wait to see what you do with the place.

    P.S. That stove while it looks like a dud is actually a dream to clean – no holes to have gross food drop down AND it’s easy to scrub – invest in magic erasers they take off all the grim w/ little effort!

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  10. Pingback: When Plastic Is Good (aka how we flew free for the wedding) « Once Upon a (L)ime

  11. Pingback: 2011 – When I Wasn’t Running « Once Upon a (L)ime

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