Remember when I put up that post and was all, “I’m boarding my connecting flight in GUAM, y’all – don’t miss me too much peaceoutsuckas!”
?
Yeahhh… turns out airport code GUA is GUATEMALA. The TACA dude thought I was off my dang rocker when I asked what time our plane to Guam landed. Stupid white girl.
btw, Tall, blonde, and caucasion in the international terminal at LAX is a good way to feel like a freaking outcast.
This is where I’d normally rant about disorder and general asshat-ness that is LAX and all of the people inside of it, but I won’t. Y’all know airports suck. They can’t all be John Wayne Orange County, and all flyers can’t have brains. Life’d be too easy.
Listen to the traveling wedding dress.
Anyways, once I finally fell asleep on our midnight flight, the bastards flipped on the cabin lights and started clunking their carts down the aisles.
I was super annoyed until I realized what the raucous was about :
I’ll fly TACA ev.ery.where. for in-flight meals and $0 check bag fees. What luxury!
When we finally landed (in Guatemala, not Guam), I asked B if he wanted to review our itinerary again, watch me play sudoku, or practice the 10 Spanish words we knew between the two of us to kill the time till our flight to Costa Rica.
So whatever, I walked around and wasted no time buying souvenirs and deciding on my new pseudonym.
I ended up using the satchel every day of the trip, and the “makeup bag” became “why-do-we-have-so-many-dang-chargers bag”. So, $17 souvenir jackpot.
When it came time to board, we walk up to our “gate” – a doorway with no flight numbers or destinations, just two flight attendants – and hand over our boarding passes. Eeeeeee! Honeymoon time! Excited!
Until the attendant hands my boarding pass back and points us to go away.
“No, (espanolespanolespanolespanol gibberish)”
What??! Let us on our dang plane! I’m not hanging out here waiting for Jurassic Park, lady.
Then the other attendant started gibbering at us, and we’re holding up the line, and I’m pointing at the gate number on the boarding pass and she keeps jabbing back, and nobody can understand each other, and WHATTHEFUCK.
(everyone who said “oh, you’ll be fiiiiiine” not knowing Spanish – I’ve got a kidney punch IOU for you)
Turns out we were an hour early and that wasn’t our plane. Guatemala is on Central time, like our itinerary said, but they don’t observe Daylight Savings so they were actually an hour behind the time we thought it was. Or something. I don’t know. Does that make sense?
Whatever.
All in all, we tried to stowaway on a plane headed for GodKnowsWhere, and will be taking Espanol classes ASAP.
Our actual flight was uneventful, as was baggage, immigration, and customs. We found the driver with our name sign, and hopped in the car for a two-hour jaunt out of San Jose and into the jungle to our first hotel.
Our drivers lack of communicative skills were quickly forgotten when we put our faith in his driving through Sketch City, and around hairpin windy one-lane roads in torrential downpour.
But obviously we survived, and pulled up to Hotel #1 right on time…
To be continued…
Sarah OUaL
I can’t wait to see the tree hotel!
P.S. I was born in Guam… don’t mix it up again. :)
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They don’t bother teaching us about those “faraway lands” in school in the midwest.
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Wow.
And this is why we went to Florida. I am validated in that decision after reading this post. ;)
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I can’t wait to see the rest of the honeymoon posts!! At least you didn’t have to fly all the way to Guam. That would be one long flight!
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No ipod/kindle/gameboy battery would stand a chance on that flight! It’s so far away!
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I can NOT believe you ended up in Guatemala, thinking you were going to Guam!!!! Oh em gee! That is something I would do (and am surprised I haven’t done it). Hilarious! I can’t wait to share this tid bit with Ang… it might make her feel better about my inability to understand an itinerary or find the correct gate. I made us miss our flight once because I took too long on the dang machine that prints out your pass. Yep… she hated me for one whole day and we had to fly home separately.
I want to hear about the treehouse and the spider monkeys!!!! And what the hell do you mean you found a treadmill!?
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Guam…Guatemala. Same thing. Haha!
Can’t wait to see all the fun stuff you guys did!
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Your posts crack me up! Glad you had a fun time!
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I can’t wait to read more about your trip. You are too funny.
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there’s always a story, right? makes life “interesting.”
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Love the Guatamala satchel! Super cute!
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Yes, John Wayne every time please! Glad your crazy driver didn’t go all “Bone Collector ” on you… and at least you woulda died together …
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Well that’s kind of morbid. You like the Notebook, don’t you?
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Your stories make my life better :)
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the night before you posted this i no joke bought a burlap pillow case cover off of etsy in the same print as your bag! love the bag. keep the stories cominggg!
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