Before we get into the run-confessional, have you checked out the (waaay overdue) “Who is OUaL?” update? You should. If for no reason other than how to pronounce oual. “On Running” and all its sub-pages got a freshen up, too. Consider it my calorie-free, early Valentine’s present to you.
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Sometimes you go into a workout set up for failure.
can somebody come manage my 3pm sugar binges?
update : this is extreme. I eat plenty of junkfood and candy, but sugar right before a run is not my best move. don’t call the HLB police on me.
To say my excitement was lacking for 8 miles with hill repeats would be a sad understatement. But I laced up after work anyway and drove out to my “hilly” loop, where I sent out this whiney tweet looking for some motivation/kick in the pants.
if an emo temper tantrum falls in a parking lot and no one (other than twitter) is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
Eventually I pulled my sorry ass out of the car, told myself to quit thinking and ‘just do it!’, and started running.
Gave myself a nice pat on the back, feeling all smug and proud of myself for rounding up the self-discipline of a 5 year old, and settled into my warm up. Less than three minutes later, IT hit.
The sudden, uncontrollable need to pee.
I tried convincing myself I was just imagining it, but with every jostling step my bladder screamed – no amount of kegel exercises were going to get me through this run.
To set the tone for the rest of the story, here’s an aerial shot of the general area I was in. An OC mecca of high-end shopping, swanky hotels, and golf course condos, all lined with 4-lane streets and massive parking lots.
Starting to panic, I realized I could cut through a few buildings and get to a 24 Hour Fitness. I slowed to a walk to avoid attracting extra attention – knocking over suited folks leaving work while sprinting through a parking lot for the john is probably assault or something – and focused on getting safely to the gym.
“You can get there! Just make sure to put your number in correct so you don’t have to stand at the desk any longer than…”
(photo courtesy of google maps because HELL NO I didn’t stop to whip out my camera during this crucial time)
It was that moment that I realized I was NOT going to make it, and my pretty new poppy Rogas were in serious danger.
What I wouldn’t have given to be on a quiet, back-country road squatting safely behind a bush, instead of sitting bare-assed on the edge of a parking lot curb, shorts pulled as high up as possible so the people walking out of the office building wouldn’t be blinded by a premature moon, pretending to tie my shoes and trying not to step in my own piss…
it’s funnier now than it was then…
Sprinting away from the scene of that crime (and trying to subtly check my shorts for evidence) made for a good distraction and fast warm up, at least.
- Good miles at the expense of dignity? <— debate.
Unfortunately my public urination/indecent exposure adrenaline rush wore off just at the base of the hill. I lapped Garmin to start the interval workout (training feature tutorial HERE) and headed up.
When it beeped at the end of the 3:00 interval, I just kept climbing. FUCK THESE HILL REPEATS. Up and up I went, tackling the back end of Spyglass, the hill that broke me last cycle; my chest burned and gasping for air as I clumsily lapped through the rest of the intervals my watch was telling me to run. It beeped for “cool down” just as I peaked, and slowly made my way down into what ended up being eight rolling miles and a really good head-clearing run.
Sometimes you have to go off-script. Be flexible I’m learning the importance of balancing discipline and knowing what your body/mind wants instead of forcing a workout just because.
(sometimes your body is saying it really wants a curb to pee on)
I’ll run those hill repeats someday. Until then, I’m posting a good 8 miler in my log and doing a load of laundry before the house starts smelling of stale urine.
Sarah OUaL
Oh MAN this exact thing happened to me. Fortunately it was on a bike path but girl, I feel ya.
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And by “happened to me” I mean “happened to me LAST WEEK” because this happens to me all the time & I am just telling you about my most recent “incident.”
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Just squat behind anything you can find. In the time you spend looking for a better place, you could have been done.
The Kidless Kronicles
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You call 2 candy canes a sugar binge?? Girrrrrrl, I eat like 8 pieces of candy a day! At least! And then eat a bowl of ice-cream before bed.
I never have that crazy urge to pee. Maybe my bladder is exceptionally large and can hold a lot of pee?? Can you please explain how you managed to appear as though you were tying your shoe but were actually peeing? I don’t know how you pulled that off. It’s pretty impressive.
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“Binge” may have been a little extreme. I can put away some junk food and chocolate – but straight up sugar immediately goes to my head for some reason.
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I have no shame, I have peed in public numerous times.
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This had me legitimately laughing out loud, and blew my cover for pretending to do work while really reading blogs. 4 candy cane grams for you OUaL, you go OUaL.
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AND NONE FOR GRETCHEN WEINERS
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hahaha, love it!
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….or sometimes, you just can’t make it to any sort of pitstop and you just….let it flow and keep on running. NOT that I’d know anything about THAT!
Nice job thinking on the spot, OUaL. And way to make an excellent run out of the situation!
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I had a run like that the other night. I had 10 miles and about mile 4 I started needing to go to the bathroom (1&2). By the time I was at 9 I was so desperate I had to pull into a park. Embarrassing but necessary. Thank goodness it was dark
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Just had to share my most recent “I gotta pee” emergency on a run. I was running on a canal trail and thought if I went down the steep hill to the river people on the trail wouldn’t be able to see me while I popped a squat… and I was right. But when I finished marking my turf and stood up I realized there was a guy fishing who had a front row seat for the show…sweet! He even waved to me as I climbed back up the hill to the trail.
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Hahahaha so amazing!
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Thank you- this gave me a laugh I SO needed tonight!!!
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Oh my goodness, too funny about your pee story. Well I know it wasn’t funny then, but it does make for a great story. Knock on wood, but even on a long run I haven’t had to go pee. I am sure my embarrassing time is coming sooner than later.
Love the blog update too. It looks great!
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LOVE the artwork!
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to ur credit, in ur comment u left out the fact that u had a shit disaster! power to u for at least getting a run in. if u makes u feel better, i’ve got popping a squat war stories that i still get embarrassed about. well, maybe not so much…too funny in hindsight. :P
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Bahahaha! This had me giggling for a solid couple minutes. Fortunately I haven’t had to pop a squat yet. I almost did, but happened upon a trail portajohn just in time. Thank gawd. Love your blog, girl!
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I can totally relate! Haha! A friend of mine had to do the same while running the NY marathon. She acted like she was tying her shoes! I have no idea how she did it! I like to run where there are lots of public restrooms or good shrubbery. ;)
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HAHA, this is fantastic. And I too am very impressed that you managed to make it look like you were tying your shoes. How did you manage that?! :)
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I’ll ask one of the innocent bystanders to film next time ;)
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Happens to me all the time. I start running five minutes after going and my bladders is like, hey! I was running a half marathon in Sonoma county, and at mile 0.01 I had to pee desperately, but there were huge lines for all of the porta potties on the course. So at mile 5 I finally ran into a vineyard and “hid” behind a line of vines (which are like 2 inches wide and offer no cover whatsoever) and popped a squat. It was actually really serene, peeing in a Sonoma vineyard at sunrise. And hey, maybe I helped fertilize some good wine.
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lol you probably had that extra urge to pee because of the candy. sugar is like caffeine in that regard, so yeah probably just stay away from the sweet stuff before runs. good save though!
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WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME THIS?! Explains pretty much my whole life.
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I once ran a half marathon on a military base where I chirpily passed the bathroom at mile 9. At around mile 11 I realized I wasn’t going to make it until the finish. As the pee ran down my leg I spotted a trashcan and squatted behind it to go. I was surrounded by housing, roadway, stores, etc. I was literally afraid I was going to be arrested for indecent exposure, but alas I finished the race and no one ever came to my house to pick me up. I guess every runner has a good pee (and probably poop!) storly to tell!
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Ha, epic — it has happened to the best of us. The real winners are the ones who clown themselves for it.
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Ha, epic — it has happened to the best of us. The real winners are the ones who clown themselves for it.
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I’ve not peed anywhere quite this public but there’s no shame and no judgement!!! I would do it too if I needed to!!! BTW, oh Oiselle expert. Rogas or Distance shorts? I have birthday money to burn!
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Tough call. Rogas are like a classic LBD and Distance Short a casual sundress. If you like a sleeker look and fit, go roga. More traditional and lots of pockets, Distance. The new poppy color is legit, btw.
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But it shows pee stains, though?
Thanks for the advice….I shall ponder a little more.
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You underestimate my pee-on-the-curb skillz, but yeah, black and indigo are much more fluid visibiliity safe
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I popped a squat in a half marathon last weekend! Very few entries and a state park make for good places to pee at. Especially when its behind a prickly pear cactus! Once I had kids it was all over. No holding it for this girl anymore.
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i dig the new look!
maybe you should get some Depends?
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This post totally made my day. While I’ve had this happen, my only audience has been cows or a lone car passing on the highway. Love your blog! We apparently share a mutual love for beer.
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