I’m not totally sure yet how to fill in “the year of ___” that so many people like to do around here, all I know is I’m pretty damn sure I’ll look back on these twelve months as some pretty life-shifting (changing seems too dramatic) times.
if you’re not a trained art afficionado, the symbolism here is girl paddling up-river towards the rocks while on a three-week vagabond cross-country adventure with her life waiting in limbo back at her SoCal almost-beachfront home. the hardship, the uncertainty, the dramatics… a true depression-era piece.
After parting from my lifeless career in corporate America in May, I began searching for a life more meaningful and less eye-gaugey. Preferably one that paid well, but that was negotiable (so long as I could still afford nice beer and running shoes.) It was totally unlike my Type A planner, itinerary-loving self to fly off the radar and haphazardly wander for as long as I did, but I kept the faith that eventually I’d steer myself in the direction I was “meant” to go. Or at least somewhere away from food stamps.
As of December 31st, I think that journey is still taking place. Funny how the end of a year seems so finite and “END SCENE!” but really it’s just another Tuesday, right? I’m flying a little lower to ground these days with a few gigs (that I major love, btw) pieced together, and have found myself in a semi-comfortable little spot. I’m sure things will shift and change and who knows, maybe get flipped completely upside down again and put me back on my ass, but after my summer of wild soul-searching I feel grounded enough now to bear those surprise turns.
I’ve learned that there really is happiness out there for everyone, but you have to work to find it, and then work harder to keep it. No one is entitled to anything more than they put the effort out for, and it’s that notion that keeps me searching to find just exactly what I want to do when I grow up. More writing? Less writing? More/less internet? More/less running? Something completely different? Babies???
(probably not yet, sorry Dad B)
So I guess what I’m saying is, 2013 might not have been the “year of” anything real, or concrete, or momentous, but I definitely think it reset my life compass in a direction I’ll be happy to be heading. Even if it isn’t the most direct route.
up? hopefully. get ready, glutes.
And seguing into the new tat you may’ve seen on Instagram, because it is actually believe it or not related…
that’s not a “oh shit what have I done?” face, it’s a “Which Wich just called my name hurry up and take the pic so I can get my sandwich!”
After living so much of my life “by the book” and following a universal path I felt was outdated and suffocating, my career-leaving, soul-searching mission was based around the notion to think more with my heart, and less with my head. Now sometimes that lead to Hulu marathons and ice cream for dinner, which DID make me happy, but isn’t really a life I’d be proud of. Or be able to pay the bills with.
But in that space (the heart>head, not hulu+ice cream) I finally realized that life isn’t a math problem – there are no formulas or equations to give you the right answer for what you’re looking for. It’s about doing what FEELS right, in the fullest sense of the term, and being the best you possible. For yourself and the people you care about around you.
So the semblance of the destination-less birds in flight is to fly free and wild, equally guided by head and heart, and see where it takes me. There CAN be balance in my split Type A + Hippie personality.
In 2014, I plan to find it.