Carpe Something

Blog posts I’ve written in my head and never got around to pulling to fruition:

  • Why I’m not Racing During Injury Recovery
  • Update on Said Recovery
  • How to Grow Out Your Pixie Cut
  • Good Run Leads to Race Registration Binge, Despite “No Racing” Rule
  • … Not Training for Said Binged Races
  • Day Date Trip to San Francisco (not running related)
  • Shit, All Those Races are Right Around the Corner
  • Day in the Life of a Traveling Sales Rep (not technically running related)
  • Suddenly Remembering How to Long Run!
  • Random Adventures with Three Generations of Conklin Girls (mom + gram in town) ((partly running related))
  • Surf City Run 5K Race Report

Shelf life: EXPIRED.

Maybe I’ll circle back around and touch on them someday – at least a mention of the 5k and some shameless bragging about the long run – but other than that, the desire to share, share, SHARE has been waning. I’m less compelled to grab my phone and live-tweet adventures, update the blog with run progress (or lack thereof), and just generally have found a lot more satisfaction in relishing moments on my own or sharing them with people I’m with-with.

Am I outgrowing the internet? Or just too lazy to write?

san fran pop up beer garden

but where would you show off drinking-under-the-freeway-in-san-fran pics if not for the ‘net, oual??

Oddly, during this digital identity crisis I had two run ins with blog readers at very non-blog’y places: out with girlfriends at a dive bar down the street from my house and at the bar I work at. I was caught off guard having the internet show up in my “safe places” (not that I didn’t enjoy meeting you, Janelle and guy-who’s-name-the-tequila-made-me-forget-sorry!) and blabbed awkwardly about OUaL’s vacillating status as if we were discussing the merits of buying vs leasing a car.

Just let it die or sit your butt down and bang the keyboard till something comes out, doofus.

atweet

When I saw this tweet from Sally, it was like finally finding a word that’d been stuck on the tip of your tongue for ages. I turned 28 last month, which in some circles feels OMG ANCIENT (working at a bar, living in Botoxtown, USA), some circles super naively young (dear friends with mortgages and babies), and in the case of my small Midwest hometown, 10 years behind the curve (see a combination of the above).

… and doesn’t necessarily apply to the aforementioned life/death of this blog, but I couldn’t come up with a transition so just roll with me, ok?

I don’t want to call it a quarter-life crisis – yes I optimistically plan to live to 112 – and I don’t want to wane on anymore about leaving Corporate America for patchwork part-time work. But it’s hard not to feel a little unsettled during this time, which I think (/hope!) is normal for your late-20’s. As per Sally’s timeline, I’m running out of ground in the ‘Finding Yourself’ portion of the life race, with ‘Knowing Yourself’ peaking its head over the distant horizon. “What do you want to be when you grow up??” suddenly has URGENT! TIME SENSITIVE! stamps on it after laying harmlessly in the wings for so many years and it’s freaking me the fuck out.

surf city run 5k

I don’t know what I want to be but one more finish line seems metaphorically good enough for now

I’m about 99.2% certain the answer to this is not on the internet (ugh, finally something I can’t Google,) which is maybe why I’ve been spending less and less time there. No offense. You’re all still super special little rays of sunshine in my world, you figments of my internet imagination world.

But with each baby announcement, dire health diagnosis, eulogy of someone gone too soon, engagement/divorce, happy anniversary, another holiday away from home… the magnitude of Life (excuse my dramatics) weighs down. We only get one, you know! Life, that is, not all those other things. Although, hopefully, some apply as well. And while my single small little being is very unlikely to have any substantial meaning to the world, my only job is to make the most of it – however I wish to do so.

I don’t HAVE to qualify for Boston, or have a baby, or move back to Ohio to be near family and friends who get older every day just like I am. I don’t HAVE to seek out an alternative career path, race the local 5K till I puke, or go to the dentist for bi-annual cleanings like they say to. And I don’t HAVE to write about any of it to share with the WWW if I don’t want to. These are all choices I get to make, and all I hope is that I keep making the ones that set me up best for the “Knowing Yourself” and “Being Yourself” phases Sally’s talking about to be supremely kick ass.

And after all that, OUaL’s blog status is even less clear as it was before.

Alright, forget everything I just said and pretend this was just a check in to say hey.

Hey, internet. Carpe fucking diem.

aaaa

Sarah OUaL

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16 thoughts on “Carpe Something

  1. Good for you! I would totally want to be your friend in real life. That sounds ironic after this post blog post :) Enjoy your summer!

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  2. The other day I said to an 82 year old dear one whom you know rather well “I just have to say that the way I am is who I am and I’m really fond of me.” It took me 78 years and 11months and 2days to say this. You’ll get there long before I did. Guess who?

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  3. I love this post and I feel the same way about blogging and the internet. I may even even quote from it if I ever come back from my hiatus. Too busy living…

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  4. God. This. So real. Funny you talk about choices. I think in our 20s the problem is actually too many choices. Due to a life decision I made at 18 I had a good chunk of potential career options shut off to me till now, at almost-30. And I’m probably happier that way than I would’ve been otherwise. Too many choices can be crippling in a way…

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  5. I love your honesty, as always. I had quite the quarter life crisis when I was 25 – I broke up with my live in long term boyfriend, quit my very intense career focused job and bought a one way ticket to Southeast Asia . I was there 4 months and learned a lot about myself and life but in the end, the glamorous life of traveling the world also wasn’t going to fulfill me but it was also good to cross that off the list and realize that although there are a whole lot of choices that could me made or not made and a billion paths we can go down, we just need to pick one and start walking and find all the happiness we can in that path until a new one comes along. The moral of this massively long comment is to say that being lost is totally normal and you just have to do what makes you happy, even if that means less blogging or whatever else is not giving you joy right now. Just as soon as you figure it out something will change anyway :)

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  6. I feel like every blogger I know (including me) has reached the “meh, I don’t really feel like sharing” phase. Collective internet fatigue? Anyway. Living in the moment is pretty great, amirite? I did a week-long vacation with almost zero social media and it was fantastic.

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  7. I totally have been going through the same thing, though not in the realm of employment. But finding what makes me happy, getting rid of the things that made me very unhappy. Life is too short to not be happy the whole time, like you said, we only get one. I’ve noticed that the happier I’ve gotten the less inclined I am to sit and take time on my computer to read blogs and write my own. So there is that! I’ve also learned to not worry about whether or not it gets done, where is the harm/stress in an unblogged post? The running part that I’ve also been slacking on… well. I guess I feel like with my life headed in a more happy direction, I also don’t need to fill a void with 40-60 miles a week. I dunno. Still figuring it out. I’ve got 3 more years until I’ll be spending time ‘knowing myself.’

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  8. I enjoyed this post. I too am not a fan of corporate America. I am not a corporate ladder climber. I feel like I am here because paying the bills is what has to be done. But what does one do as an adult when they don’t know what they want to be when they grow up? I am still hoping wishing upon a star or a fortune cookie will reveal my answer. Until then here I sit wondering…so good for you getting out there and trying to figure you out…blog or no blog!

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  9. 27 was the year I completely tore my life apart. There’s something about that age. That distance from college and from 30 that just hits hard, like ‘what the hell am I doing??’. I made more life changes, took more risks and found more reward in the three years after 27 than any other time in life yet. This year I’m turning 31, and looking back I’m so glad I didn’t coast through those years. It is uncomfortable in all the best ways to find yourself and know yourself.

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  10. Sally’s tweet is spot on (so far for me). My twenties were a hot mess compared to my 30s. I can’t say life has been easier, but it’s been life…and I know how to manage it all better than I did 4-5 years ago. I struggle with the balance as well- wanting to share, wanting to be in the moment. I have found myself on twitter less and focused more on what’s going on in MY Life at THAT moment. Nothing wrong with that…i think there truly is something wrong with our society and the addiction to constant social media and needing to share it ALL. It’s nice to take a break and just BE. As far as the rest of it, there are no answers. It will all work itself out the way it’s supposed to. A little faith and a whole lotta fun along with the way. Ride the roller coaster, my friend. xoxo

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  11. Love this post.

    I just turned 39 and I’m not sure what to be when I grow up either. Quit my professional job at 28, experimented with a couple other jobs, spent the past year as a housewife / aspiring artist. Who knows what’s next. But now is a sweet time. :) I don’t think you need to figure out your whole life at 28.

    From what you put on your blog, I think you are doing great. A husband you love, side jobs that you don’t hate, friends, health, sunny California… The people who love you are not in it for your accomplishments or how much $$ you can make. So don’t worry about proving yourself. Find your people and go through life together. I think you are doing just that.

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  12. Hey I’m only 24 and I wholeheartedly believe in doing what you want until you figure out what you truly enjoy. I’ve been living in northern Colorado working at a running store but I just quit to go to Grand Teton, WY, for a glorified vacation. Why? Nothing sucked about being here. Do what makes you happy, play hard, and make money for convenience. There’s no need to feel settled yet. Everyone in my life has always told me to follow my heart and be bold. Trying not to disappoint.

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  13. Dude, I totally understand. I just turned 27 and am somewhere between: maybe I should start grad school, maybe I should follow my passion and get my yoga cert, maybe I should get a part time evening job on top of the full time day job, or I could settle down already and find a man I can stand and that will in return put up with my shenanigans. Ugh. Nauseating. So I’m just going to focus on breathing now.

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