Carpe Something

Blog posts I’ve written in my head and never got around to pulling to fruition:

• Why I’m not Racing During Injury Recovery
• Update on Said Recovery
• How to Grow Out Your Pixie Cut
• Good Run Leads to Race Registration Binge, Despite “No Racing” Rule
• … Not Training for Said Binged Races
• Day Date Trip to San Francisco (not running related)
• Shit, All Those Races are Right Around the Corner
• Day in the Life of a Traveling Sales Rep (not technically running related)
• Suddenly Remembering How to Long Run!
• Random Adventures with Three Generations of Conklin Girls (mom + gram in town) ((partly running related))
• Surf City Run 5K Race Report

Shelf life: EXPIRED.

Maybe I’ll circle back around and touch on them someday – at least a mention of the 5k and some shameless bragging about the long run – but other than that, the desire to share, share, SHARE has been waning. I’m less compelled to grab my phone and live-tweet adventures, update the blog with run progress (or lack thereof), and just generally have found a lot more satisfaction in relishing moments on my own or sharing them with people I’m with-with.

Am I outgrowing the internet? Or just too lazy to write?

but where would you show off drinking-under-the-freeway-in-san-fran pics if not for the ‘net, oual??

Oddly, during this digital identity crisis I had two run ins with blog readers at very non-blog’y places: out with girlfriends at a dive bar down the street from my house and at the bar I work at. I was caught off guard having the internet show up in my “safe places” (not that I didn’t enjoy meeting you, Janelle and guy-who’s-name-the-tequila-made-me-forget-sorry!) and blabbed awkwardly about OUaL’s vacillating status as if we were discussing the merits of buying vs leasing a car.

Just let it die or sit your butt down and bang the keyboard till something comes out, doofus.

When I saw this tweet from Sally, it was like finally finding a word that’d been stuck on the tip of your tongue for ages. I turned 28 last month, which in some circles feels OMG ANCIENT (working at a bar, living in Botoxtown, USA), some circles super naively young (dear friends with mortgages and babies), and in the case of my small Midwest hometown, 10 years behind the curve (see a combination of the above).

… and doesn’t necessarily apply to the aforementioned life/death of this blog, but I couldn’t come up with a transition so just roll with me, ok?

I don’t want to call it a quarter-life crisis – yes I optimistically plan to live to 112 – and I don’t want to wane on anymore about leaving Corporate America for patchwork part-time work. But it’s hard not to feel a little unsettled during this time, which I think (/hope!) is normal for your late-20’s. As per Sally’s timeline, I’m running out of ground in the ‘Finding Yourself’ portion of the life race, with ‘Knowing Yourself’ peaking its head over the distant horizon. “What do you want to be when you grow up??” suddenly has URGENT! TIME SENSITIVE! stamps on it after laying harmlessly in the wings for so many years and it’s freaking me the fuck out.

I don’t know what I want to be but one more finish line seems metaphorically good enough for now

I’m about 99.2% certain the answer to this is not on the internet (ugh, finally something I can’t Google,) which is maybe why I’ve been spending less and less time there. No offense. You’re all still super special little rays of sunshine in my world, you figments of my internet imagination world.

But with each baby announcement, dire health diagnosis, eulogy of someone gone too soon, engagement/divorce, happy anniversary, another holiday away from home… the magnitude of Life (excuse my dramatics) weighs down. We only get one, you know! Life, that is, not all those other things. Although, hopefully, some apply as well. And while my single small little being is very unlikely to have any substantial meaning to the world, my only job is to make the most of it – however I wish to do so.

I don’t HAVE to qualify for Boston, or have a baby, or move back to Ohio to be near family and friends who get older every day just like I am. I don’t HAVE to seek out an alternative career path, race the local 5K till I puke, or go to the dentist for bi-annual cleanings like they say to. And I don’t HAVE to write about any of it to share with the WWW if I don’t want to. These are all choices I get to make, and all I hope is that I keep making the ones that set me up best for the “Knowing Yourself” and “Being Yourself” phases Sally’s talking about to be supremely kick ass.

And after all that, OUaL’s blog status is even less clear as it was before.

Alright, forget everything I just said and pretend this was just a check in to say hey.

Hey, internet. Carpe fucking diem.

Sarah OUaL