OUaL Lessons : How To NOT Get Hit On/Make Friends

I fixed my internet!  Well actually, I sent a pathetic/beggy email to the Helpdesk at work and they told me how to fix it.  But regardless, thanks to them and the always classy Excalibur’s (don’t judge) complimentaaaaary internet, I’M BACK!

Just in time to leave tomorrow.

But for now, a quick update.  And before that, a few disclaimers :

So take that for what it’s worth.  I’ve turned on spell check but I make no other promises on the credibility of this post.

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Friday we went to the OC Fair for fried food…

baby-leg zucchini spears

… & the Blake Shelton concert.  Because I like doing things that make me feel like I’m still in Corntown sometimes.

Surprisingly, the girls in floral rompers & Charlotte Russe “cowboy boots”, dudes in skinny jeans, and the parking lot littered with benzos and lambos didn’t put off QUITE the same vibe as the county fairs in Ohio.

At one point Blake said, “Y’all are a bunch of rednecks!” and I seriously rolled around in the grass laughing my ass off.  Really??? If anything can get FURTHER from redneck than Orange County, I’d love to hear about it.

I’m gonna suggest a re-write of your concert spiel for all future SoCal shows, dude.

Regardless, it was a GREAT show and I enjoyed myself immensely.  And I made sure to sing his old stuff extra loud so all the pretend-fans would know I’m better than them.

Ahem.

Moving on…

That pretty much brings us to the present – me sitting in my room after finally surrendering to the Vegas demons.  I held strong for two nights – which is a feat for me, Vegas or not – behaving myself with boring healthy food, boring gym time, and boring reading.

With a nice shove (read, cyber beer-pressure) from a few people – not naming any names… ahem, Monica Lea Katelyn Dynamites Britt – I got my butt down to the bar for a few drinks and watched the Indians kick some Red Sox ass.

I think now is a good time to share with you my feelings on doing things alone.

I really like being alone.  I am terrific company to myself.  Plus, I find it absolutely exhausting being around other people for extended periods of time – Drumming up conversation, making sure you elicit proper emotions/reactions, focusing on somebody else’s thoughts rather than just your own…  I’m getting tired just thinking about it.

(A quick scan of my myers briggs ISTJ results explains this…)

 A lot of people might feel kind of loserish sitting at a bar solo.  Or maybe they’d feel like an alocholic, I don’t know.  They also might be a little nervous to fight off pestery creeps all night, since a lone target is easier for sloppy dudes to prey on than a whole herd of females.  I watch Animal Planet, I get it.

Luckily (!),  I have a solution to all these potential “issues.”  This comes completely natural to me, but I believe with diligent practice you too can implement a successful defense mechanism against unwarranted company on your self-dates.

This tactic has a near-perfect success rate.  I have been hit on by strangers twice in my whole life, and never while alone.  Bars in college, in line at the coffee shop, house parties… you name it, I’ve effectively dodged pick up attempts at all of them.  Work functions don’t count, since I’m forced to be somewhat friendly and pleasant there.  (that wasn’t in the job description when I applied, btw)

I’m a decent-looking human being, and people find it had to believe that I never get hit on or struck up for conversation.

… And then I show them my “Unapproachable Bitch” face (which is essentially my neutral, relaxed face, as shown above), and they understand.  Close friends will say,

‘Oohhh… yeah you do look like that a lot…’

So if you’re going somewhere alone and want it to remain that way, just keep a miserable-looking SarahOUaL-scowl on your face and enjoy your interuption-free date with yourself!  Good times, courtesy of yours truly.

And if you can’t manage to pull it off, congratulations, you have a more promising social life ahead of you than I.

Sarah OUaL

ps if you’re itching for some OUaL Wedding-ness… head over to Full Bloom Photography for a peak at our gallery :)  I should have all the photos early next week so look for lots of updating on the Wedding Page!

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37 thoughts on “OUaL Lessons : How To NOT Get Hit On/Make Friends

  1. I never even HEARD of Blake Shelton, so that probably means I’m as far from a redneck as it gets. YES!

    And holy crap, I have the same unapproachable bitch face, but I make an even worse face when a guy, who is obviously not up to my standards, approaches me. More like a “I just smelled a really bad fart face” and it sums up my feelings quite clearly and it usually makes them go away. My friends actually complain that my expression is too mean. Not that I get hit on anymore. This whole ring on my finger thing keeps all suitors away. (I wish it would work the same for my husband, but girls seem to ignore the ring on his finger, wtf? Luckily, he’s pretty clueless.)

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  2. oh my gosh, you just summed my life. from one ISTJ to another, i understand the pain that is chatting up a stranger when you really don’t give a crap! and while i do love blake, i gotta say my man jake owen is one of my fave country artists!

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  3. hi there – im new but your blog is too funny! I totally have your pissed off face down to a t. Truth.. ive had strangers come up to me and say “whats wrong? why do you look so upset” and truth.. ive responded with “its just my face” not much i can do about that!

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  4. BAHHAHA.. glad you made it to the bar. :) I was totally a fake redneck at nascar last year and will be again. I have a true desire to be a real one here in VA but my south jersey italian self does a poor job. One day. I LOVE your bitch face- I try hard but if I did that strangers would just ask me what was wrong..people ALWAYS talk to me. I don’t mean that in a flattering myself way because by people I mean FREAKS. -jamie

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  5. I’ve also perfected the unapproachable bitch-face .. my husband saw through it and still asked for my number.. brave dude. or maybe my face just isn’t that perfect after all. Hmph.

    LURVE me some Blake Shelton! I would fall over dead if I saw a Blake Shelton concert & Miranda Lambert popped out and sang some of her stuff. That would be ah-mazing.

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  6. I’ve been doing this all wrong. Usually I give hitter-on’ers some sarcastic put-down that is sure to deter them, but they eat it up. I need to work on the face. Also, now I know your secrets – so your face will not deter me from hitting on you in future scenarios.

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  7. The closest I’ve gotten to being a redneck was Hillbilly day during spirit week in high school. It was pretty entertaining.

    I cant believe you held off on drinking for two whole days in Vegas. Usually I’m sloshed by the time I land.

    And love the bitch face. It’s the most effective thing ever. I call mine the “stank eye” face. I’ve perfected giving it to people at work.

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  8. Haha, love this post. I’m a fan of heading out by myself often too (much to my momma’s dismay as she is convinced that = disaster every.single.time) and I find the uninterested in my surroundings vibe helps too. Limited eye contact if I’m not interested in conversation.

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  9. Being alone is fun… but why did you get married?!

    Haha! That’s one of the biggest adjustments I’ve had/still have is that my hubz is around 24/7. I’m like “Get out of the house man!!”

    I enjoy my alone time too. Never drank at a bar alone but it’s really no different than going to a coffee shop alone if you think about it. Coffee = Beer. Computer = TV.

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  10. Yup- I always act like I have something more important to be doing than talking to other people (I too like to be alone sometimes). Messing with my phone, looking through my bag, watching something. I get hit on the most at school… by the high school students I teach. They ask to take me to Olive Garden and I ask to bring my husband.

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  11. I do that face too, have been for years. Just look completely unimpressed. :)

    I also like yelling “STRANGER DANGER” to someone you do actually know when the creeper is away, but still within earshot. Rude, yes, but if you’ve done it, you know they deserve it.

    This one had yet to be tried by me, but I think it would work pretty darn well. It’s best to watch both…

    Watch first:
    http://www.youtube.com/user/JennaMarbles#p/u/29/8wRXa971Xw0

    Watch second:
    http://www.youtube.com/user/JennaMarbles#p/u/14/xplUpR3m0io

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  12. i love the unapproachable bitch face method. i’ll have to try that one out. i usually go for the awkward “i don’t actually find you interesting” laugh, then just pretend to be busy with my phone. which makes it more awkward bc my phone is from like 2007 and has no internet so i just act like i’m frantically texting everyone i know.

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  13. No worries, I totally have my C.an U. N.ot T.alk face down to a science!!!! Do what you will with the caps, I am not saying that is what I meant but there are some males in my life (husband/brothers) who believe this to be true! ;-)

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  14. Hahhahaha, I love the unapproachable bitch face! I have to agree, that while I am not an ogre, I never get hit on. When I was single it bothered me, and a friend told me it was because I always looked completely unapproachable. Bitch face worked against me during those few months, but as a taken lady, it is always a good tool to keep the creepers away.

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  15. I’ve never been the type of person to get hit on a lot either, maybe I have a face I make too…..
    People always talk about being hit on at the gym which that one always surprises me. Who would want to get hit on at the gym?!!

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  16. I totally have a bitch face that I make pretty much all the time when I don’t want people to bother me. I’m pretty good at it if I do say so myself. And I really never get hit on either, let’s just blame it on the bitch face and not the fact that maybe I am just not that desirable haha!

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  17. So guess who is ALSO a ISTJ? I’m 100% a loner. And I’m 100% ok with that. Give me a book and some peace and quiet and I’m good. Make me go on a group weekend getaway, and I’ll need a week worth of alone time to decompress from it.

    AND my natural/normal face is TOTALLY a bitch face. Unless I smile I seriously look like the biggest unapproachable bitch in the world. OTher than the fact that most girls hate me before they even meet me b/c of it, I’m fine with it.

    In conclusion, we should probably take over the world, together. But only in a 1 on 1 setting, b/c any more than that gives me anxiety, obvs.

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  18. Hahahhaha woooo mocha 4loko!!! First of all I am the same way. I either want to be around people constantly or would rather be left alone, which I guess is a good thing because some people go crazy if they’re not with every single one of their acquaintences all the time. I crack myself up, not gonnnna lie. And YOU crack me up. Please do a tutorial on how to find a not-lame boyfriend/husband who handles my antics

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  19. I have been told for years by most of my now best friends that when they first saw me/met me they thought I was a total bitch because I approach rooms with this face and quiet “judging” face… I never mean to I just like to feel out a room before diving into convos with people I may never see again. I’m ok with people NOT feeling drawn to me.

    BLAKE CONCERT… ugh awesomeee! You know I always find it comical seeing the “trendy” cowgirls, or fauxcowgirls – I myself am not a cowgirl or really too country but I did grow up in the sticks and I can sing most old country music.. but in the end I know I can’t rep it very well… however I might get some street cred since my future Father-in-law used to be a professional bull rider, right?

    ZOMG is that a fried pickle?!?! *CRAVING STARTED*

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  20. I found your blog over the weekend and I just want to let you know that it has become one of my favorites.

    Btw, I totally agree about the bitch face.

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  21. Awww I love Blake! I bet he was amazing!
    Also in love with your pointing out the one real redneck in the pic. I lived in TX (although a big city) for 7 years so I reserve the right to look down on fake country folk as well :)

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  22. So, you mean, I didn’t invent that face?! I own that face, woman! That expression has kept creeps at bay for years! When I am in a really happy, fun mood and can’t stop smiling people always approach. But when I have my game face on (i.e.bitch face) I am completely safe. It’s like OFF for assholes.

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