Curse Words Pickle Brain

Keystone, CO – felt very Dumb and Dumber, but snow-less. Did you know the Aspen scenes were filmed in Breckenridge? Which is practically the same as Keystone. Just call me Lloyd Christmas.

I’ve been traveling for work the last few days and battling a major case of … Something. Like a combination of writer’s block and having too many thoughts but no energy to sift through them. Ever feel like that? Or when you’ve got a monster to-do list and you’re all motivated and then just the thought figuring out where to start is too exhausting to actually do anything? Who just posted about “eating an elephant one bite at a time”? Katie, was that you?

I prefer attempting to swallow my elephants whole and then laying in the fetal position crying when it doesn’t work out and complain about a stomachache for the next week.

So that’s (long-winded, kind of off-track) why I haven’t written.

And also I don’t have any good pictures to play with. And I feel like that’s kind of my thing? Like wordpress might refuse to post if there isn’t a photomonkey-doctored image included.

But, creative-drought or not, Long Beach is still this weekend. And I’m suddenly not feeling great about it.

I’ve written about my feelings in my Believe I Am journal and have confided in a few close friends, but until I get a grip on myself I see no reason to put any of that shit out in public for others to scrutinize over.

Hi, I’m Sarah, I’m a fucking headcase and my condition is immensely worsened by the term “race week”.

The point is, I’m racing running this weekend and am not sure how it will go. I had goals but they’ve been shelved for the sake of not completely lighting up my confidence in self-sabotage flames and screwing the rest of my training. This is a stepping-stone race towards CIM, not the end-all goal race.

It’s FINE. Really.

I’ll be smart and try not to let my burning desire for LB redemption overpower my desire for a great marathon in December.

And then maybe I’ll talk about it instead of just leading you on with “I have something to say but can’t say it!” bullshit.

And in lighter news, Happy Anniversary, Em! Remember how this was a magical weekend of our turned-IRL-BFFness and also the worst race weekend of our lives? Glad we got passed that and you only bring up my pre-race logistical failures twice a week and have stopped sending those anonymous hate letters to my office. xo

(she’s running her first 50miler instead of coming to reunion’ing with me in Cali – go tell her good luck, she’s crazy, and kind of rude for making me celebrate alone)

 * Anybody else racing this weekend? Chicago, St George, Portland, fellow Long Beachers? Come find me attempting to pickle my crazy brain in the beer garden after.

Sarah OUaL